5 Reasons Hipsters Will Never Go Vegan
Hipsters are the best.
Quirky. Ironic. Fun to look at. Often you’ll find their style extremely understated with the obvious intent to stand out and appear, in fact, overstated.
And yet other times you’ll find them appearing extremely overstated because, well, they’re hipsters.
No matter how you dice it, we love hipsters.
But Hipsters will never go vegan. Here are 5 reasons why:
- Vegan eating is mainstream now.
And we all know, hipsters aren’t down with what’s cool. They prefer obscurity.
- Vegan eating is delicious.
Hipsters just aren’t down with that delicious shit. They prefer doing weird things like forcing pigs to eat peanuts or rats at the end of their life to make their bacon or ham taste… uuum different.
Holy shit, that is weird.
- Vegan eating doesn’t include wearing oddly shaped glasses or making bicycles out of paper clips.
And let’s be honest, that’s a hipster’s primary motivation in life.
- Compassion is “in”.
We live in a world where more and more people are expanding their circle of compassion on a daily basis, which can only mean one thing.
For hipsters, compassion is out.
Their meals must consist of pigs, chicken, fish, and cows, who’ve been:
-confined in cages where they can barely move
-had their bodies torn open and testicles ripped out without pain-killers
-had their throats slit while still fully conscious
…you get the picture…
Basically, brutality and torture are likely the focus of hipsters at all of their meals now. Those weird ass, motherfuckers.
- Hipsters hate doing whatever it is that you’re doing.
Allow us to explain. Say for example you let a hipster know that you just started getting into listening to the Avett Brothers.
A hipster’s likely response will be: “Oh, I’m actually just getting out of them. I don’t like them anymore.”
Seriously, that actually happened to Matt at St. Mark’s Coffee Shop in Denver last year.
Alright, enough fun.
We have to be honest. We love hipsters. They do some cool ass shit, and set awesome trends. And many hipsters have been far ahead of the curve, going vegan a long time ago.
But, we know hipsters don’t like being told what to do, they tend to prefer to do the opposite.
Everyone’s going vegan. Everyone. Why fight it 😉